so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
