At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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