I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
