That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize