oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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