The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
