I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
