Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
