I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
