The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
