its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
