everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
