after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
