white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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