Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
