I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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