You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
