yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
