i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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