I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
