I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
