You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
