i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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