Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
