I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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