You're so nebulous sometimes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
