I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
