the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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