Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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