Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
