ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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