im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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