Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
