Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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