Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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