Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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