Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
