people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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