i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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