so let's talk penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
