ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
