i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
