I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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