I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The power of my boobs compel you
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize