after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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