the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
