he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
