my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
