You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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