I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
