My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
