he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
