booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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