Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize