took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
