No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Never let your siblings swipe right.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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