I CAN MOONWALK!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
