; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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