saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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