TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
