feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
