i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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