What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
