i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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