I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
