Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
