just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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