Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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