proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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