my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
