It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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