I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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