i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
