I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
