So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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